


So Big, So Small

by Dawn21Saber



Series: Saber’s Archives of Variangst [4]
Category: Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure (Cartoon), Tangled (2010)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Angst, Frederic is a bit and miss-, Gen, Good Parent Quirin (Disney), Inspired from Dear Evan Hansen, I’m a theatre nerd and got hyperfixayed on DEH while writing, Me? Using personal experiences? Whaaaaaat?, Varian Angst (Disney), Varian Needs a Hug (Disney), Villain Varian mentions, but fr felt this on a personal level and I fricking wrote it-, like he’s there but that’s just it p much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:20:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27342649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dawn21Saber/pseuds/Dawn21Saber
Summary: (Tangled Modern AU!)Quirin confronts Varian during an interrogation per Frederic’s request.
Relationships: Quirin & Varian (Disney)
Series: Saber’s Archives of Variangst [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1928278
Comments: 4
Kudos: 38





	So Big, So Small

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Tangled Modern AU. This is kind of a take on Varian’s first villain arc but in a modern setting.
> 
> Context: Quirin went missing, people didn’t believe Varian and turned him away. He sought revenge against them but ended up getting caught. Quirin turned up not long before Varian was caught. Varian doesn’t know he’s back until he visits.

Varian’s blue eyes blew wide, mouth agape, staring at the figure of the man in front of him. Broad shoulders slumped in relief as the man’s dark eyes landed on his son.

”Varian...” Quirin whispered. The older man ran his eyes over his son, taking in his appearance who was seated in a metal chair in front of a table. Interrogation room...

Varian was taller by a few inches, but much skinnier, unhealthily so. He was pale and there was a visible scar over his nose. His hands were handcuffed together, visibly shaking from the many emotions swirling through his head. 

Varian was unsure of how to react. He was unsure if he should cry with relief and jump and hug his father, or be furious that no one believed him. His father had been missing for a year and only after he’d been caught do they bother to look into Quirin’s disappearance.

Varian guessed he should be a little relived. After all, his father was alive and in front of him.

Quirin saw the many emotions that flitted over his son’s face: relief, anger, sorrow, regret, hurt – so many emotions a fifteen-year-old shouldn’t know to this extent. He reached his hand towards Varian.

”Son... I...” Tears filled his eyes and before he knew it, he was hugging the small teen tightly. His tears blurred his vision and ran down his face.

He felt Varian stiffen at the sudden contact. The teenager gave a shuddering breath before a choked sob left him.

”D-dad –“ he cried suddenly. If he could’ve, he would’ve wrapped his arms around his father as tight as his tired and malnourished body would let him. Instead, he settled on burying his face in Quirin’s shoulder, eyes leaking tears and body shaking with quite sobs. “I-I-I th-tho –“

”Shh, son,” Quirin mumbled as he held Varian close. “It’s okay – I’m okay. I’m here, I’m here and I’m _never_ leaving again.”

The two stayed in the embrace for a few minutes before the door opened. Quirin turned to look back, arms still wrapped around his son. In stepped Frederic, the city’s mayor, with a grim look on his face.

”Quirin, old friend,” came his tired voice, “please. You know what you’re hear for.” Frederic’s eyes landed on Varian and he suppressed a shudder at the deadly glare he received from the blue-streaked boy.

The mayor could remember hearing his daughter cry over the boy being sent to prison, claiming it was her fault. That she should’ve kept her promise. Frederic would always remind her she did what was right in the moment and not to dwell on the past lest she lose sight of the present.

After what Varian had done, even she couldn’t excuse the boy’s actions no matter how hard she tried to reason.

Frederic tore his eyes aware from Varian’s fury-filled blue ones. He looked at Quirin who merely sighed.

”Frederic...” he said softly. “I – just give us some time alone. Please.”

Frederic nodded. He knew what it was like to be reunited with a lost child, and, while not physically lost, Varian had been lost. He may not know the emotions Quirin felt about his son’s actions, but he knew the two would like some time to themselves.

With a half-hearted smile to Quirin, Frederic exited the interrogation room, leaving Quirin and Varian alone.

Quirin heaved a sigh and released Varian from the embrace they were in. The older man grabbed the second chair at the table and sat down in it. He set his elbows on the table and rubbed his hands down his face. This was going to be difficult...

Difficult to hear about Varian’s actions through his own eyes. Because what one sees on the outside isn’t always what’s on the inside. He had good intentions, yes, but the wrong frame of mind to do it.

The clink of metal on metal drew Quirin’s eyes to Varian. His son’s hands were laying on the metal table, grasping each other and making the handcuffs rattle on the table. He was fidgeting with his hands and biting his lip, nervous tics he’d had for many years.

”Son,” Quirin began, trying to stern his voice but failing, a sharp cracking in his words from repressed emotions, “tell me. Please.”

Varian looked away, ashamed. He regretted the way things had gone, how drastic his actions were. But he wouldn’t change them. Who knows what would’ve happened to him had he not done what he did. His actions and arrest finally made the police take action in his father’s disappearance. It had taken them a few months, but he’d been found.

The teen placed his head in his hands, a bitter chuckle leaving him. The sound made Quirin do a double take.

Such a bitterness was never heard from Varian. He was always such a kind and excitable boy... Hearing such a change left his mind shocked.

”Dad...” Varian said as he lifted his head, a hollow look in his eyes and a thin smile on his face. “Whatever I say, please understand why. And that I regret it deeply.” His eyes hardened, baby blue cold like steel. “But I wouldn’t change it, not if it’s what made them find you.”

Quirin stayed silent at the revelation. He folded his hands and rested his chin on them, looking into his son’s eyes. The two stayed silent before Varian took a shuddering breath and everything came spilling out.

Quirin blinked in shock and worry as Varian finished his recounts. The teen gave a heaving breath, everything having come out at once and his emotions running wild the entire time. Two of the cops (Stan and Pete if he remembered right) had even come in at one point because of how volatile Varian was acting. He hadn’t done anything, but the hysterics and raging emotions in his tone had been more than enough to give them worry. Of course, Quirin had dismissed them immediately, knowing his son was only hurting deep inside, no matter how hard he tried to hide it.

Varian slumped in his seat, eyes downcast and full of sorrow. He was tense in the silence. He had seen the calculating look in his father’s eyes. He knew he would need a moment to process everything he’d just been told. Heck, he himself was still processing everything and he’d been locked up for close to a year.

Quirin was unsure of his exact feelings on the situation at hand. He was shocked, of course, and a little off put his son had gone to such great lengths. One thing he did know is that he wasn’t mad, not even in the slightest. He was mostly upset with himself. He knew he hadn’t been the best father to Varian, especially after Ulla had left them. He’d cut himself off from his own son to grieve and be angry, hoping it would ebb eventually, but it never did. And so he continued to distance himself from his son so much so that he didn’t even know his favorite subjects in school (chemistry and robotics) or that he was part of the robotics club and took place in competitions. He’d only learned this during their argument before his disappearance. He felt like a horrible father. He felt like a failure.

Quirin took a deep breath and looked at Varian with furrowed brows. He closed his eyes as a familiar red headed woman flashed in his mind, kind green eyes and freckles dotted across her cheeks and nose like stars.

”It was a February day...” Quirin started, making Varian’s head snap up in surprise, eyes wide, “when your mom came by before going away.” The older man glanced down at the table, a sorrowful smile on his face. “A U-Haul truck in the driveway... the day it was suddenly real.”

Varian paused, blinking slowly. He knew the day well. It had been ingrained in his mind for over ten years. The day his mom left, the day his life changed forever.

Quirin’s eyes gained a far off look. “I told you not to come outside that day,” he recounted, “but you saw that truck and smiled _so_ wide.” He gave a somber smile, eyes scrunching. He gestured weakly with his hands. “A real live truck in your driveway. We let you sit behind the wheel.” He could see the truck driving off in his mind’s eye and hear his thought of “Goodbye, goodbye, now it’s just me and my little guy...”

Flashes of his younger self perched on the driver’s seat popped into Varian’s mind. He distinctly remembered the sad and regretful smile the ginger woman known as his mother had given him. He hadn’t understood it until later that this was permanent. And that he’d never see or hear from her again.

”After Ulla left and I got you inside,” Quirin continued, losing his smile and rubbing his face, “the house felt so big... and, standing there, holding you in my arms, I felt so small... like the tiniest of leaves could crush me under its weight.” He looked Varian in the eyes, brown meeting blue. “Do you remember what else happened that night?”

At Varian’s silence and trembling hands, the older man continued. He could see his son’s facade cracking little by little in the way his eyes were trained on his hands now.

”That night as I tucked you into bed, I will never forget that you sat up and said,” tears filled Quirin’s eyes as he recalled the look of forlorn on a face so young, “‘Is there another truck coming to our driveway? A truck that will take daddy away...’” He shuddered at the every growing lump in his throat, feeling the tears burn his eyes. “And the house felt so big, and I felt so small...” He saw those same big blue, tear-filled eyes staring at him now as he had that night. “That house felt so big and I...”

The tears that had been gradually building in his eyes began cascading down his face just as they had that very night. His voice choked as he forced out words he’d been holding back for so long.

”And I knew there would be moments that I miss!”

Varian’s heartbroken face as Quirin left him at a soccer game to attend to political matters came to mind.

”And I knew there would be space I couldn’t fill!”

Quirin had caught Varian staring at a picture of Ulla many times or gazing longingly at the phone when he was little, wishing for his mother to come back.

”And I knew,” Quirin lifted his head and looked at Varian who was silently crying, crocodile tears rolling down his cheek, “I’d come up short a _million_ different ways!” The older man’s voice grew hoarse at the bombardment of emotions he’d repressed for many years. He sobbed for a moment, finding himself unable to speak.

Varin could only watch with wide eyes, cheeks wet with tears, throat tight with emotion, and hands trembling, fists clenched tight. He remember his dad enveloping him in the tightest and most sincere hug he’d ever received that night. That night was one of the few times his dad had hugged him and uttered the words, “I love you.”

”And I did.”

Varian’s eyes snapped to his father who was now looking back up at him. His eyes were bloodshot, tears still coming, but he could talk through them now.

Quirin gave a sniff, wiping at the tears. “And I do... and I will,” he finished as another tear fell from Varian’s eyes.

The teen’s face was starting to screw up into a face of anguish and heartbreak, a look Quirin had caught only once before a few years back. The day they’d gotten the call from Donella that she’d died.

Quirin abruptly stood, but Varian didn’t notice. He had slapped his hands over his mouth, fighting against the cries threatening to spill from his mouth. His father came up to him, pushing the table away and gently taking Varian’s hands away from his mouth. He held his son’s hands, gentle but tight, a reassurance that he was there and he was real.

”But like that February day,” Quirin continued, “I will take your hand, squeeze tightly, and say, ‘There’s not another truck in the driveway... your dad isn’t going anywhere, your dad is staying right here.‘“  
  
Suddenly, Varian threw himself into his father’s arms. The older man wrapped his arms around the small teen, embracing his son for the first time in years.

Quirin began speaking again, but this time, he was speaking directly to Varian. “Your dad isn’t going anywhere, _your dad is staying right here,”_ he repeated. “ _No matter what..._ I’ll be here.” He paused as his son sobbed his heart out, the cries echoing in his ears like shattered glass. “When it all feels so big, when it all feels so small... I’m here, son. And I’m not leaving you _ever_ again,” Quirin swore.

Varian’s body shuddered with more cries, his tears soaking into Quirin’s shirt – not that he minded. The older man stayed silent and allowed his son to breakdown, to show the emotions he’d hidden with rage and hollow laughs – he let him show how truly broken he was. He was a child, no matter the circumstances, and the people of the city seemed to forget that.

Varian was an intelligent and kind soul that had had his trust broken and mind snapped. But people forgot that, through it all, he was still just a child. No child should experience the heartbreak Varian did the night he got the news of Quirin’s disappearance. No child should feel so unloved because of a parent leaving. No child should blame themself for it.

_No child should hate themself for it..._

But that’s what Varian did. He hated himself, Quirin knew this better than Varian thought he did. He could see the looks of disdain whenever he looked in the mirror, could see how hard he tried to make himself seem approachable, could see how hard he tried to fit in with the teenagers at school. He was fifteen while others in his college currently were eighteen or older. He didn’t fit in, he didn’t get the jokes made or the idea of partying till dawn.

But he participated anyways. Because he was so desperate – _so desperate_ to fit in for once in his life. And it cost him dearly. He missed out on a lot of opportunities for the sole sake of pleasing those he called “friends.” Eventually, he’d met Rapunzel and she was able to bring him out of a place even Quirin couldn’t reach.

But now, holding the heartbroken boy in his arms, Quirin could see while not physically in that state, Varian was trapped there mentally and had been since Ulla’s departure and later death.

Quirin closed his eyes and tightened his hold on Varian. The warmth radiating from his body was enough to slowly calm his son’s anguished cries into heartbroken sobs. It didn’t sound any better to the older man’s ears, but he knew the teen needed this. He needed to know he was there with him. And so, with all the love and affection only a father could have, Quirin laid his chin on top of Varian’s head and rubbed circles on his back before leaning his head down.

”Varian... _I love you.”_

A sniff followed by big tear-filled eyes looking into his father’s.

”I love you, too, Dad.”

**Author's Note:**

> What a rollercoaster am I right? 😃
> 
> Ngl, this kinda hurt the feels a bit while proofreading. This feels a lot more personal than my other fics (except for JKB&B because I used my own experiences for that one) because I’ve dealt with parents who’ve split or you’ve been cast aside by one parent, so I was able to use a lot of that in this. I felt unloved, I hated myself for a long time (I’m just now getting to where I’m loving me even just a little), and I tried so desperately to fit in and to please people because I wanted love and I wanted validation. Luckily the internet existed and I met my best and closest friend a couple years after the situation had ended for good.  
> It felt very therapeutic ngl 😅 I kinda needed to write this in a way.
> 
> I’m gonna go cry and work on art now :’)
> 
> Have a blessed day/afternoon/night!! 💚💙💚💙


End file.
